Tom Hanks has always been the kind of guy who speaks from the heart, and when it comes to parenting, he’s as honest as they come. In a recent reflection, he admitted, "I tried to do things differently than my own parents, but let me tell you, I made every mistake in the book. You know, you end up scarring the kids somehow in the exact same way." At 68, this beloved Oscar-winning father of four and grandfather of three has had plenty of time to look back on his family life with both humor and humility.
With decades of experience under his belt, Tom has come to realize that parenting isn’t about perfection—it’s about love. "Somewhere along the line, I figured out the only thing a parent can do is say, ‘I love you, there’s nothing you can do wrong, you cannot hurt my feelings, I hope you will forgive me on occasion, and what do you need me to do?’" he shares. "You offer up that to them: ‘I will do anything I can possibly do in order to keep you safe.’ That’s it. Just love them. Offer that up and then let them be who they are." It’s a philosophy that’s guided him through thick and thin, and one he’s proud to stand by.
Tom became a father at the young age of 21, long before he became the Hollywood icon we know today. He admits his own childhood didn’t provide the best examples of what good parenting looks like. After his parents’ divorce, Tom and his siblings were left in the care of their father, who worked long hours at a restaurant. "No one told me how to brush my teeth," he recalls with a chuckle. "I didn’t even floss until I was out of high school. You figure it out as you go, but sometimes you’re figuring it out too late." It’s a lesson he’s carried with him throughout his life.
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His older children, Colin, 46, and Elizabeth, 42, were born during a time when Tom was still trying to establish himself in the acting world. "My other kids, Chet, 34, and Truman, 28, were born after I’d already made a name for myself in Hollywood," he explains. "Their lives were just different. I had more resources, more stability, and more time to be present. But you know, no matter how much you prepare, parenting always throws you curveballs."
Tom is quick to give credit where credit is due, especially to the incredible women who’ve supported him through it all. "I’m so grateful for Samantha Lewes, the mother of my older kids, and Rita Wilson, my current spouse," he says. "They’ve been the rock of our family. Rita, in particular, did the heavy lifting at home, and because of her, I was able to focus on my career while still being there for my kids. I owe her everything." A close friend adds, "Tom’s incredibly appreciative of the strong mothers in his children’s lives. He believes they’ve been the backbone of his family."
Of course, there are moments Tom wishes he could go back and do things differently. He remembers a time when Truman, his youngest son, was about 8 years old. "I promised Truman we’d play catch one afternoon," he says with a hint of regret. "But you know how life gets busy, and before I knew it, the sun was setting. I realized I’d let him down, and I felt terrible. I said, ‘Hey, I’m sorry.’ It’s those little moments that stick with you, but they also remind you to be more present." It’s a lesson he’s taken to heart, both as a father and a grandfather.
Discovering Joy in Parenting
One of the things Tom cherishes most about being a dad is watching his four children carve out their own unique paths. "[They’ve taught me] how different they all are," he says with pride. "They had the ability to pursue their own interests without being pushed or forced. I’ve learned so much from that. They’ve never complained about being bored. They’ve always been busy with something, whether I understood their passion or not." It’s a testament to the freedom and support he’s given them over the years.
While he’s supportive of all four kids, he and Colin, who is also an actor, share a special bond. "They’re the most alike," says a close friend. "There’s a natural connection there that’s hard to miss." It’s a relationship built on mutual respect and understanding.
Of course, Tom’s role as a grandfather brings its own set of joys. He has three granddaughters: Olivia, 13, and Charlotte, 11, who are Colin’s kids, and Michaiah, 8, whose dad is Chet. "I get to do the fun stuff," he jokes. "You come in, have a great time for a few hours, or maybe even stay overnight once in a while. You have all the fun without any of the long nights." His friend adds, "Tom jokes that he’s a much better grandfather. It’s a role he truly enjoys." It’s clear that Tom’s heart is full, both as a father and a grandfather.
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