Let me tell you a story. Robert Redford once shared a vivid memory of Mary Tyler Moore. Picture this: a cold, windy winter morning on a Malibu beach. Robert spotted Mary, all wrapped up, walking slowly, looking sad and alone. “I saw this lonely figure all wrapped up and walking slowly,” Robert recounted. “The figure looked sad.”
Behind the Smile: The Untold Story
For years, Mary Tyler Moore dazzled audiences as Mary Richards on The Mary Tyler Moore Show, bringing joy and laughter to millions with her iconic smile. But beneath that radiant exterior lay a more complex reality. Robert Redford's chance encounter on that beach hinted at the deeper struggles that Mary carried. “The sadness hit me and stuck with me when I began casting [Ordinary People],” Redford revealed. It was a moment that stayed with him, revealing the depth of Mary’s inner world.
A New Perspective: The Real Mary Tyler Moore
Mary Richards may have inspired millions, but Mary Tyler Moore's real-life story is equally, if not more, compelling. A new documentary, Being Mary Tyler Moore, premiering on HBO Max on May 26, delves deep into her remarkable life. Through interviews, clips, and never-before-seen home movies, the documentary offers a rare glimpse into the woman behind the smile. “I was blown away that Mary was willing to be as vulnerable as she was about the trauma, the tragedies, the pain and the sorrows she experienced,” says James Adolphus, the documentary’s director. “With this film, I think the audience is getting as close to the real Mary Tyler Moore as anyone can get without befriending her in real life.”
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Challenges and Triumphs: Mary's Journey
Mary’s life was far from the picture-perfect world she portrayed on screen. In her 1995 memoir, After All, Mary revealed that both her parents were alcoholics, and at just six years old, she endured a harrowing experience with a family friend who molested her. Tragically, her mother didn’t believe her. “My mother, by her denial, had abused me. My mother had abused me far more than her friend,” Mary wrote. To escape, Mary moved in with an aunt, only seeing her parents on holidays.
At 18, Mary married Richard Meeker, a salesman, and welcomed her son, Richie, a year later in 1956. Those early years were filled with love and devotion. “For the first [few years] of his life, I think she was a very doting, present mother,” says Adolphus. But as Mary’s career took off, her personal life began to unravel. In 1961, she joined The Dick Van Dyke Show as Laura Petrie, a role that catapulted her to fame but strained her marriage. The long hours left her feeling guilty about not being the mother she wanted to be. “By the time Richie was 5, I had already let him down,” Mary confessed. She and Richard divorced in 1962.
Finding Balance and Love
Mary found new love with TV executive Grant Tinker, whom she married in 1962. Together, they built an empire, but their relationship wasn’t without its challenges. While well-matched in their career ambitions, they often struggled emotionally. The silence between them could be deafening. Mary’s drinking worsened, and she confessed to playing Russian roulette with her car. “What’s more, some unwary, innocent people played with me,” she admitted.
Playing Mary Richards, the confident and capable woman, sometimes made Mary feel like an impostor. “As much as I loved what I was doing, the doing of it terrified me,” she confessed. “I was excelling at something that fed my self-doubts rather than eased them.”
A New Chapter: Life After the Show
By 1980, Mary had wrapped up The Mary Tyler Moore Show and found herself living alone in New York City for the first time. “I had never experienced any of the situations around which The Mary Tyler Moore Show had been based—an independent woman carving out a career, finding her way in a strange city, making new friends, doing exactly what I wanted. ALONE! So what if I was now 43 years old?” she wrote. Her newfound freedom was shattered when she received the devastating news of her son Richie’s death in 1980. A gun enthusiast, Richie was holding a weapon when it accidentally discharged, ending his life at just 24. “I haven’t had too many punches in my life,’’ Mary said. “[But] I’ve had some horrendous ones, some isolated biggies.”
Mary eventually found solace with Robert Levine, a physician who didn’t watch much television. “Robert came into her life not knowing who she was,” says Adolphus, who worked closely with Mary’s last husband on the documentary. “Robert didn’t treat her as a star. He treated her as a woman who he respected, not for what she had done in the world but for who she was to him. Who doesn’t want to be loved for who you simply are?”
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A Legacy of Change
True love didn’t erase Mary’s heartaches—she continued to battle diabetes, first diagnosed in her 30s—but it gave her the strength to make a difference. Mary wrote a book about living with diabetes and used her platform to raise awareness and funds for juvenile diabetes research. A lifelong vegetarian, she advocated for the ASPCA and other animal welfare organizations. “She was never really able to embody the spirit of Mary Richards until she was older,” explains Adolphus.
Mary Tyler Moore passed away in 2017 at the age of 80. Reflecting on her life, she said, “It has been a wonderful life. There are very few things I would go back and do differently. You can’t be brave if you’ve only had wonderful things happen to you.”
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