Back in 1984, Bette Midler, the legendary performer, and Martin von Haselberg, her future husband, made a bold decision. They spontaneously eloped to Las Vegas, tying the knot at the iconic Starlight Chapel. "My wedding was just the two of us — my husband and me — and, of course, the Elvis impersonator who officiated the ceremony," Bette recalls with a laugh. Believe it or not, they had only known each other for about six weeks before making this life-changing decision. "I asked him!" she says with pride. At the age of 39, Bette was already a seasoned performer, nominated for an Oscar, and used to calling all the shots in her life.
The Early Years: From Passionate Beginnings to Bitter Fights
While their whirlwind romance seemed perfect at first, life had other plans. "We used to fight bitterly," Bette admits, now 75 years old. But as life often does, it threw them a curveball that changed everything. Two years after their wedding, they welcomed their daughter, Sophie, into the world. This new chapter brought clarity to their priorities and helped them see eye to eye. "We realized we wanted to raise a child together. We never wanted to hurt that kid in any way," she explains. With this realization, they committed to staying together and working through their differences until things improved. And improve they did.
Putting Family First: The Secret to Their Success
Bette and Martin, now 72, credit their enduring relationship to putting family first. "There was a conscious effort to create exactly the life we have," Martin shares. A former performance artist who left his job as a commodities trader to support Bette's career and help raise their daughter, Martin has always prioritized family. He's been more than just a loving husband; he's been a dedicated father too. "My husband is probably the greatest father who ever lived. He taught her a foreign language. He taught her how to cook," Bette gushes. She also acknowledges the sacrifices he's made for their family. "He has looked after me for many, many years. He’s sacrificed a lot," she says with gratitude. For Bette, learning to compromise was a tough but essential lesson. "Listening is very hard. And compromise? That's the hardest of all," she admits. She learned that blaming each other was never the answer. "It’s because you don’t want to carry the burden yourself. You want to push it off on someone else. But honestly, you have to learn not to do that," she reflects.
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Perseverance and Peace: A Life Well-Lived
Every marriage has its ups and downs, and Bette feels incredibly grateful that she and Martin chose to work through their challenges rather than giving up at the first sign of trouble. "It's all about perseverance," she says. "Continuing to put one foot in front of the other." Today, the couple enjoys a peaceful life in Millbrook, N.Y., where they practice tai chi together and actively support the New York Restoration Project, an initiative that creates green, open spaces in New York communities. They often find joy in reminiscing about the tough times they've overcome. "We look back [at the difficult times] and wipe our brows and say, 'What the hell was that?'" Bette confides.
