Cary Grant, the Hollywood legend known for his charm, rarely struggled to capture the attention of women. However, when he spotted a young actress performing in London, he turned to his co-star Merle Oberon to invite her to join them for dinner. That evening in 1947, Betsy Drake sat at the captain’s table with Cary and Merle aboard the Queen Mary. By the time the ship docked in New York, Cary and Betsy had fallen deeply in love.
Marriage and Transformation
Though their marriage lasted only 13 years, Betsy Drake had an indelible impact on Cary Grant. In 1959, Cary expressed how much his life had changed: “I am close to happiness,” he said. “I wanted to rid myself of all my hypocrisies. I wanted to work through the events of my childhood, my relationship with my parents, and my former wives.” Cary’s journey toward self-discovery was profoundly influenced by Betsy’s presence in his life.
Betsy Drake: A Life of Resilience
Betsy Drake, the daughter of the family that built Chicago’s iconic Drake and Blackstone hotels, grew up navigating a challenging childhood. Her jet-set parents lost their fortune in the stock market crash, leaving Betsy to shuffle between relatives. Acting became her escape, helping her overcome a stutter. When Cary saw her performing in Deep Are the Roots in London’s West End, he was captivated by her talent and spirit.
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A Partnership of Minds
Despite a 19-year age gap, Betsy and Cary shared a deep intellectual connection. Both were curious and bright, with Betsy devouring books and teaching herself photography. Cary, originally born Archibald Leach, crafted his sophisticated demeanor through self-education. However, beneath his charm lay a man haunted by his past—growing up poor with an alcoholic father and a mother who disappeared when he was just 10. It wasn’t until years later that Cary discovered the truth: his father had institutionalized his mother without her consent.
Their Christmas Day wedding in 1949 featured none other than billionaire Howard Hughes as their best man. But life with Cary wasn’t always easy. “The early loss of his mother made it hard for him to have a committed, trusting, stable relationship,” explains author Mark Glancy, who penned Becoming Cary Grant. Once married, Cary became suspicious and insecure, traits that strained their bond.
Challenges and Heartbreak
Betsy did everything she could to ease Cary’s fears. She cooked for him, read him poetry over breakfast, and even studied hypnosis to help them both quit smoking. Despite receiving glowing reviews for their 1948 film, Every Girl Should Be Married, Betsy worked only sporadically. “Cary swallowed my life,” she admitted. “I lost myself in trying to please him.”
She encouraged Cary to slow down, hoping they could enjoy their homes in Beverly Hills and Palm Springs. But Cary’s restlessness proved difficult to contain. Betsy struggled even more when she couldn’t convince him to start a family. “He often said that he would have been too selfish to become a father [earlier in his life],” Cary’s last wife, Barbara Grant, revealed to Closer.
In 1956, Betsy arrived on the set of The Pride and the Passion in Spain, only to discover Cary was having an affair with co-star Sophia Loren. “By his own account, he fell madly in love with her and wanted to marry her,” says Glancy. Humiliated, Betsy booked passage on the Andrea Doria, which tragically collided with another ship off Nantucket, killing dozens. Though she survived, the incident, coupled with Cary’s infidelity, sent her into a downward spiral.
The End of an Era
Things worsened when Cary announced that Sophia would star in Houseboat, a romantic comedy Betsy had written. “If I had any self-respect, I would have kicked him in the teeth and walked out,” Betsy said. Instead, she “simply stopped functioning,” according to her friend, actress Rosalind Russell.
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Betsy sought solace in therapy, including experimental LSD treatment, which was legal at the time. She encouraged Cary to join her, hoping it would help him confront unresolved feelings about his childhood. Cary became an enthusiastic supporter, declaring, “I never understood myself. How could I have hoped to understand anyone else?”
